I don't have many nice clothes cuz I always seem to stain the ones I have and it's easier to start with ones that don't look very clean then to mess them up and feel bad when light blue turns to light green and I don't mean to rush things forward I would rather they slow down but when you look at me that way, and you hold me like you used to I still feel the burn of lips on skin and ache at how I used you and I know I'm tough to deal with sometimes and you know I wish I could try again but I'm just sick of consolations and I'm tired of cutting ties I would just lie awake I can't just erase your mistakes so I listen to sad melodies so it's not my thoughts I'm hearing and it's just their pain I'm holding in and their pain that I'm feeling but your songs still in my head your melody through my ears I found my love between the notes, I found my heart within the chords, i found my soul inside the rhythm of the words you sang to me and I know I'm tough to deal with sometimes and you know I wish I could try again but I'm just sick of consolations and I'm tired of cutting ties so I'll keep walking to that rhythm so I can't stop to rest my head I'll keep writing till they listen won't stop singing till I'm dead (repeated) and I wish it wasn't so easy To change myself for you but I'm glad we got to be, a bit softer for a change because I have never felt anything quite like I felt you but it's better to feel cautiously instead of rushing forward fast and free cuz the part of me that trusts in what will happen what will be has been beaten and been pushed out by the angry part of me and I know I'm tough to deal with sometimes and you know I wish I could try again but I'm just sick of consolations and I'm tired of saying goodbye

skin turns light as it pushes me skin turns red as it pushes free I feel my bones bend and crack under the weight of what I lack my flesh lifts and starts to crawl towards the end, towards it all

I remember laying in that football field with you for hours we'd escape whatever we needed to please remember these if it gets bad and I disappear again please remember these and know I'll always come back for you my friend I'm sorry I complain about the same things but my fears won't let me go they careen inside my dreams and stick me in a loop will you remember me in a year or two I can't be half of a happy healthy anything when it gives me something to lose cuz everyone is holding hands and everyone is making plans and my trash is full of bloody tissues I remember wading towards that waterfall with you for hours we'd look for what we never got to please remember these if it gets bad and I disappear again please remember these and know I'll always come back for you my friend We've both become masters of forgetting cuz holding it in is so much less work than working it out but I think our reckless decisions have helped us keep the youth that we'd have lost and if you listened to the things that you have written the way that you listened to the world you wouldn't be so scared of losing or forgetting you'd realize they're wonderful I don't know why water and love mean the same thing to me like a river sucking me in, or a day at the beach but neither of those last, you need to come up for air but my love for you is like that knowledge that water is there I remember talking till the sun came up with you for hours we'd talk about whatever we wanted to I'll remember these if the cold takes you away from me again I'll remember these and know you'll always come back for me my friend I remember laying in that football field with you for hours we'd escape whatever we needed to please remember these if it gets bad and I disappear again please remember these and know I'll always come back for you my friend

I don’t have as much to say to you But don’t take that the wrong way, take that the wrong way I haven’t felt that way with you I haven’t felt that pain or felt that shame or played that game with you I won’t try to devote my mind Or to write my life out for you But I won’t hide from you Stay the night won’t you While there’s time oh while there’s time I haven’t said all that I should say to you But don’t take that the wrong way I haven’t felt this way before I haven’t felt this light or felt this high without a side of trouble before I won’t try to devote my mind Or to write my life out for you But I won’t hide from you Stay the night won’t you While there’s time oh while there’s time I won’t try to devote my mind Or to write my life out for you But if there’s time, and if we try I might show you all I have been But for now I can promise to see you And promise to feel you and hold you close And I won’t hide from you Stay the night won’t you While there time oh while there’s time While you’re mine oh while you’re mine While there’s time oh while there’s time

the thing about my friends is there’s something broken inside of us something a little bit not right it makes us get a little bit too angry or a little bit too sad it makes us crave, need, and want more than ever pursue it makes us get a little bit too attached, and a little bit too desperate and we push people away because we’re scared they might leave, or not and we hold people close because we’re scared they might stay, or not and i wouldn’t say it works, but it works you know? we work and while we’re raw and ragged and aggressive and mean we also love fiercely and wholly in a way most will never know and sometimes it feels like skin on sandpaper but other times the break inside of us is mended and those highs, are so high screaming our desperation through the lyrics to a song or squeezing away our loneliness into each other each trying to hide our sickening tears or filling our bodies up with things we shouldn’t and roaming an empty golf course because it’s all we can do and those may not sound like highs but we know each other then more than we’ve ever known anything and we will never give that feeling up so the thing about my friends is we need each other we long for each other we are reminded of each other with each interaction with someone so painfully ok and some of us heal and some of us leave but we never forget, because the scars we formed together are stretched and stitched into every memory of our desires and of our hatreds and they are pressed into every story we’ve told and every secret we’ve buried and the thing about my friends is we’re lonely and tired and our hearts are too empty and too filled up and our headaches only end when we do and they will end, some sooner than others, but we will never really leave the places where we grew up because we grew up together and those places grew with us and they will not forget the mending done there and they will not forget the pain felt there and they will not forget the ache we felt as one after another we had to move on because no matter how much we needed each other, now we are nothing but reminders and we still ask how we are, and check in when we can, but it’s hollow even if we wish it wasn’t so the thing about my friends is we’re not friends we’re bandages that had to be delicately removed they’re blankets that we needed to climb out of when the temperature started to rise but they’ll always be there when you need them again even when their headache ends you can still scream, and roam, and fill your body with things you shouldn’t and you can remember and i will remember i will never forget what you did for me