the thing about my friends is

there’s something broken inside of us

something a little bit not right

it makes us get a little bit too angry

or a little bit too sad

it makes us crave, need, and want more than ever pursue

it makes us get a little bit too attached, and a little bit too desperate

and we push people away because we’re scared they might leave, or not

and we hold people close because we’re scared they might stay, or not

and i wouldn’t say it works, but it works you know?

we work

and while we’re raw and ragged and aggressive and mean

we also love fiercely and wholly

in a way most will never know

and sometimes it feels like skin on sandpaper but other times

the break inside of us is mended

and those highs, are so high

screaming our desperation through the lyrics to a song

or squeezing away our loneliness into each other each trying to hide our sickening tears

or filling our bodies up with things we shouldn’t and roaming an empty golf course because it’s all we can do

and those may not sound like highs but we know each other then

more than we’ve ever known anything

and we will never give that feeling up

so the thing about my friends is we need each other

we long for each other

we are reminded of each other with each interaction with someone so painfully ok

and some of us heal

and some of us leave

but we never forget, because the scars we formed together are stretched and stitched into every memory of our desires and of our hatreds and they are pressed into every story we’ve told and every secret we’ve buried

and the thing about my friends is we’re lonely and tired and our hearts are too empty
and too filled up and our headaches only end when we do

and they will end, some sooner than others, but we will never really leave the places where we grew up because we grew up together and those places grew with us and they will not forget the mending done there and they will not forget the pain felt there and they will not forget the ache we felt as one after another we had to move on because no matter how much we needed each other, now we are nothing but reminders

and we still ask how we are, and check in when we can, but it’s hollow even if we wish it wasn’t

so the thing about my friends is we’re not friends

we’re bandages that had to be delicately removed

they’re blankets that we needed to climb out of when the temperature started to rise
but they’ll always be there when you need them again

even when their headache ends you can still scream, and roam, and fill your body with things you shouldn’t and you can remember

and i will remember

i will never forget what you did for me