1. |
Passing Pennies
04:49
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2. |
Stains
05:51
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I don't have many nice clothes
cuz I always seem to stain the ones I have
and it's easier to start with ones that don't look very clean
then to mess them up and feel bad when light blue turns to light green
and I don't mean to rush things forward
I would rather they slow down
but when you look at me that way, and you hold me like you used to
I still feel the burn of lips on skin and ache at how I used you
and I know I'm tough
to deal with sometimes
and you know I wish
I could try again
but I'm just sick
of consolations
and I'm tired of cutting ties
I would just lie awake
I can't just erase your mistakes
so I listen to sad melodies so it's not my thoughts I'm hearing
and it's just their pain I'm holding in and their pain that I'm feeling
but your songs still in my head
your melody through my ears
I found my love between the notes, I found my heart within the chords, i found my soul inside the rhythm of the words you sang to me
and I know I'm tough
to deal with sometimes
and you know I wish
I could try again
but I'm just sick
of consolations
and I'm tired of cutting ties
so I'll keep walking to that rhythm
so I can't stop to rest my head
I'll keep writing till they listen
won't stop singing till I'm dead (repeated)
and I wish it wasn't so easy
To change myself for you
but I'm glad we got to be, a bit softer for a change
because I have never felt anything quite like I felt you
but it's better to feel cautiously
instead of rushing forward fast and free
cuz the part of me that trusts in what will happen what will be
has been beaten and been pushed out by the angry part of me
and I know I'm tough
to deal with sometimes
and you know I wish
I could try again
but I'm just sick
of consolations
and I'm tired of saying goodbye
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3. |
Daydreamz
02:11
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skin turns light as it pushes me
skin turns red as it pushes free
I feel my bones bend and crack
under the weight of what I lack
my flesh lifts and starts to crawl
towards the end, towards it all
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4. |
The Cold Air
03:23
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I remember laying in that football field with you
for hours we'd escape whatever we needed to
please remember these if it gets bad and I disappear again
please remember these and know I'll always come back for you my friend
I'm sorry I complain about the same things
but my fears won't let me go
they careen inside my dreams and stick me in a loop
will you remember me in a year or two
I can't be half of a happy healthy anything when
it gives me something to lose
cuz everyone is holding hands and everyone is making plans and
my trash is full of bloody tissues
I remember wading towards that waterfall with you
for hours we'd look for what we never got to
please remember these if it gets bad and I disappear again
please remember these and know I'll always come back for you my friend
We've both become masters of forgetting
cuz holding it in is so much less work than working it out
but I think our reckless decisions
have helped us keep the youth that we'd have lost
and if you listened to the things that you have written
the way that you listened to the world
you wouldn't be so scared of losing or forgetting
you'd realize they're wonderful
I don't know why water and love mean the same thing to me
like a river sucking me in, or a day at the beach
but neither of those last, you need to come up for air
but my love for you is like that knowledge that water is there
I remember talking till the sun came up with you
for hours we'd talk about whatever we wanted to
I'll remember these if the cold takes you away from me again
I'll remember these and know you'll always come back for me my friend
I remember laying in that football field with you
for hours we'd escape whatever we needed to
please remember these if it gets bad and I disappear again
please remember these and know I'll always come back for you my friend
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5. |
Won't You
02:48
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I don’t have as much to say to you
But don’t take that the wrong way, take that the wrong way
I haven’t felt that way with you
I haven’t felt that pain or felt that shame or played that game with you
I won’t try to devote my mind
Or to write my life out for you
But I won’t hide from you
Stay the night won’t you
While there’s time oh while there’s time
I haven’t said all that I should say to you
But don’t take that the wrong way
I haven’t felt this way before
I haven’t felt this light or felt this high without a side of trouble before
I won’t try to devote my mind
Or to write my life out for you
But I won’t hide from you
Stay the night won’t you
While there’s time oh while there’s time
I won’t try to devote my mind
Or to write my life out for you
But if there’s time, and if we try
I might show you all I have been
But for now I can promise to see you
And promise to feel you and hold you close
And I won’t hide from you
Stay the night won’t you
While there time oh while there’s time
While you’re mine oh while you’re mine
While there’s time oh while there’s time
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6. |
Scorpion Grasses
10:16
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the thing about my friends is
there’s something broken inside of us
something a little bit not right
it makes us get a little bit too angry
or a little bit too sad
it makes us crave, need, and want more than ever pursue
it makes us get a little bit too attached, and a little bit too desperate
and we push people away because we’re scared they might leave, or not
and we hold people close because we’re scared they might stay, or not
and i wouldn’t say it works, but it works you know?
we work
and while we’re raw and ragged and aggressive and mean
we also love fiercely and wholly
in a way most will never know
and sometimes it feels like skin on sandpaper but other times
the break inside of us is mended
and those highs, are so high
screaming our desperation through the lyrics to a song
or squeezing away our loneliness into each other each trying to hide our sickening tears
or filling our bodies up with things we shouldn’t and roaming an empty golf course because it’s all we can do
and those may not sound like highs but we know each other then
more than we’ve ever known anything
and we will never give that feeling up
so the thing about my friends is we need each other
we long for each other
we are reminded of each other with each interaction with someone so painfully ok
and some of us heal
and some of us leave
but we never forget, because the scars we formed together are stretched and stitched into every memory of our desires and of our hatreds and they are pressed into every story we’ve told and every secret we’ve buried
and the thing about my friends is we’re lonely and tired and our hearts are too empty
and too filled up and our headaches only end when we do
and they will end, some sooner than others, but we will never really leave the places where we grew up because we grew up together and those places grew with us and they will not forget the mending done there and they will not forget the pain felt there and they will not forget the ache we felt as one after another we had to move on because no matter how much we needed each other, now we are nothing but reminders
and we still ask how we are, and check in when we can, but it’s hollow even if we wish it wasn’t
so the thing about my friends is we’re not friends
we’re bandages that had to be delicately removed
they’re blankets that we needed to climb out of when the temperature started to rise
but they’ll always be there when you need them again
even when their headache ends you can still scream, and roam, and fill your body with things you shouldn’t and you can remember
and i will remember
i will never forget what you did for me
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